Signs ~ July 21,2008
I’ve eaten nothing for the past two days.
When I started my fast I was around 124.
Now I’m 125.5.
It’s so discouraging.
I’d like to think it’s water weight, but I know its just because I can never be pretty or thin.
It’s not like I can live without water.
No One Understands
When nothing else will do,
and through is finally through.
We throw ourselves of the cliff,
hoping to make good of it.
They say that when you reach the bottom,
you will then realize the problem.
The single thing they all can’t see,
is that there is not a way to be,
without problems.
The problems simply change, therefore there is no bottom.
Still ~ July 20, 2008: 9:59am
After last night I am still repulsed buy myself.
I’ve decided to start a fast, because I obviously cannot control myself around the smallest bit of food.
So until next Saturday morning, nothing for me other than water.
I need to cleanse myself after that disgusting act of mine.
Fail ~ July 19, 2008: 11:31pm
Just for one moment, another person took over my body,
I feel like such a failure,
I feel so disgusting right now,
How can I be so gross as to eat right after I set a goal?
I am so fucking weak.
I ate ½ a bag of popcorn.
That is so repulsive, I’m repulsive.
after that I took like 8 laxative pills,
It hurts so much right now, and it’s what I deserve for being so gross.
Yes I’m home alone in a house full of food, but I need to have more willpower than to sink so low as to eat like that.
650 calories. So much. So Gross.
I hate myself so much right now.
Tomorrow is going to be different, I need to be better.
For now: listening to my favorite Pro-ana and Pro-mia songs.
My personal favorite is: Courage By Superchick
That song is so inspirational to me.
“What I do know is how I changed my life forever,
I know I should know better,
There are days when I’m okay,
And for a moment,
For a moment I find hope,
But there are days when I’m not okay,
And I need your help.”
About Me ~ July 19, 2008: 3:31pm
My name is Anne Smith.
I’m 16 years old, and have a combination of ED’s.
I created this blog to establish some way for me to keep track of things.
This blog is not intended to offend anyone.
This was originally created to be just for my own use,
however, if you would like to, please comment.
